Like a Shovel to the Face!

There it was! Voodoo Doughnut! Rogue’s Maple Bacon Ale. I’d heard of it’s existence, though never had laid eyes upon it. It sat there in the cooler in it’s luring, unassuming pink bottle calling to me with it’s words of maple and bacon. Little did I know the evil residing in that cute bottle, but oh, OH did I ever found out, as did the other poor fools who sat with me thinking they were about to enjoy something delicious. There was a storm brewing outside of the dimly lit bar from which we were drinking our brews, but no one could have predicted the storm that lay waiting in this bottle.

Let me just say, bacon is by far the greatest thing to have ever blessed this earth. Bacon is what make salads worth eating for God’s sake! To put it simply, bacon makes the world a better place. But what could make bacon better? It’s that left over maple syrup on your plate that creeps onto your last piece of bacon. And when you eat that last piece of crispy bacon covered in maple syrup, it’s like riding a unicorn through a rainbow! That is how I imagined this would taste. I was sadly mistaken… The funny part is that I taunted Droopy into trying it, after he said he wasn’t sure he wanted to spend the $16.00, boy, that was stupid!!!

The smell was like someone had poured liquid smoke into a bottle of Aunt Jemima! Way to sweet and smokey, but who’s to say it doesn’t taste good, right???

The taste? It was like walking around a corner and being hit in the face with a shovel. Let me rephrase that… This was like a witch doctor taking bacon that had been smoked for 312 hours, putting a devil’s curse on it, wrapping it tightly around the shovel, adding a little liquid smoke for good measure, then emptying an entire container of Dollar General syrup over the shovel. Afterward, he gives the shovel to his 325 lb cousin Brutus who then swings that shovel and hits you square in the mouth. BAM! You fall straight back and are suddenly overcome with pain, a sudden need to retch from too much smoke and too much sweetness. Oh God, no more!!!

Could it get worse??? You’re damn right it can!!! The aftertaste: while slowly coming to after your violent assault, thinking that the almighty might save you, Brutus steps back, gets a tight hold on the handle and then swings that thing right down on the tip of your nose. While you drift off into a smokey, bacon haze coma you begin to dream of evil witch doctors and pink pigs laughing and dancing about your body, while Aunt Jemima is shaking her head in shame.

So, to sum it up… The Rogue Maple Bacon Ale is awful… very, very awful! There were 5 people who tried this with us and not one had a good thing to say about it.

On a scale from 1-10, this gets a 1: Would rather lick a cat’s ass!

Sexi Mexi

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